Twilight (2008)
Vampire Baseball . . . no thanks!
Twilight (2008) Director: Catherine Hardwicke BOMB
After mocking this inane and idiotic franchise for sometime I decided to take part in a sociology experiment tonight, an actual viewing of the film (in HD to boot!). Let me be honest with you . . . this movie was far worse than expected. The entirety of the film was absolutely devoid of character, charisma, plot development, and most importantly – emotion. Every “character” was perpetually twitterpated, starring aimlessly into each other’s giant eyeballs. The whole cast constantly looked as if they were trying to figure out an extremely advanced mathematical problem while filming each scene.
The number of WTF? moments in this film is almost unchartable. Vampire baseball? Hissing stand offs? “Suck the vampire poison out of her”? Lame, do-nothing villains? The asinine running sequences? Do I need to mention the sparkle non-sense? Way too much for any human to bare.
What is the appeal of this flat, lifeless movie ladies? The term passion has been thrown at me in defense of this film. Passion? Is that the name for Robert Pattinson’s blank stare? There are plenty of passionate love stories out there that do not suck the life force out you as you watch them. Next time pick up a copy of The Notebook, Casablanca, It Happened One Night or Gone With the Wind.
Yeah, the contempt for this property is now 100% justified in my mind. Having to listen to details about this inane shit for YEARS in the library had me hating it ages ago. It was nice to finally meet the enemy face to face and find out what a retard it really was. Without the audience on hand I never would’ve finished it. It’s ridiculous, silly and stupid but it’s biggest crime of all is that it’s extremely tedious. There’s barely 30 minutes of plot in this thing and its two hour runtime was very excessive. How or why someone can turn this drivel into 500+ pages, with 4 books overall, and dupe millions of readers is a singular feat of misguided human strength. Now let’s watch New Moon.
Posted on April 22nd, 2010 at 11:49 am | Quote